Here’s an exchange from an online dating site I found amusing, one that reminded me how much double-standards persist (and read that link if you doubt me). I reply here in caps just for fun, no point in further discussion as ultimately people will like who-what they like. The hypocrisy in this one though was impossible to pass up:) ENJOY!
(And btw, I looked for a meme to throw in here for visual effect, the majority of which were ironically created by mens right’s types disgruntled over perceived double-standards they endure (some legit, most stupid). A discussion for another time, perhaps.)
ME (to a man who admits at the bottom of his profile that he’s actually 10 years older): “No ageist algorithm is gonna call my shots.” i applaud that, but wonder why you then want to date women 20 yrs younger? Curious
HIM: It’s not that I want to date women 20 years younger. It’s that I don’t want to get cut off from dating women who are in my sweet spot, 40-48, preferably in the mid-40s. (UMK)
But you want me to address the phantom sexism charge, right? (ACTUALLY, YOU JUST DID)
3 factors:
1) statistics: when I look at my relationships from 15-57 including everything from failed marriage to failed engagement to all kinds of dating, the vast majority of women fall into a “normal distribution” with the bulk of the distribution 3-7 years younger than me.
2)) the normal distrivbution isn’t random (by definition): Helen Fisher et al say women want men who are protectors and hunters and thus older, men want women who are younger and endowed for procreation. Germaine Greer wrote in Sex & Destiny that the culminative part of adulthood that is conferred by childbearing has a direct role in terms of experience and maturity. So—for me—I have less use for 50 year olds but also less use for 38 year olds (LESS “USE”, HUH?). I have 2 nearly 10 year olds. It’s not that I don’t want more, but I’ve done it, checked it off the list, don’t have the biological requirement any more. Women who are below 40 haven’t figure it out (YOU MEAN, THEY CAN WAIT NOW, AND THAT’S NOT “USEFUL” TO YOU). Women your age (44?) have usually either gracefully accepted it or the idea that they’ll inherit someone else’s kids. (OH WE HAVE, HAVE WE?)
3) predilection: especially as I get older: I’m less interested in women who’ve stopped thinking seriously about stuff whether it’s culture (everything from video games to all the boybands my kids love) or digital stuff (RIGHT, BECAUSE ONLY MEN STAY CULTURALLY RELEVANT, AND KNOWING BOY BANDS IS A SURE INDICATOR OF THAT) . I’m all digital, and I just don’t have any interest in Luddism or iconoclastic artisanal retreat (although I’m an old folkie w/ an acoustic blue jones.)
4) if and when you meet me, you’ll see that I truly look like I’m in my early 40s. here’s the real deal: no one wants to hire a 57 year old. and if i was a chick, i wouldn’t want to date a 57 year old. which is why you set your upper age limit at 55, right? We wouldn’t even be having this convo if it wasn’t for my fib. So it works. (NO, ACTUALLY, IT FAILS)
So I’m in my sweet spot? Are you in your’s? If so, I think you’re kind of hot in a way that has usually proves affective for me:) (NO, BUT THANKS FOR THE TRANSPARENT DISPLAY)
CXrXg
